17-year-old complains about lacking pretty privilege, gets told by jealous sister to improve her personal hygiene: 'Her hair is a mess and she often smells bad'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 24, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

Personal hygiene is always a difficult topic. Despite the fact that all bodies are gross when they don't touch soap and water for extended periods of time, broaching this with individuals who don't seem to be aware of that can be a difficult thing to do tactfully. It's important for people to know, but shame is not always the best way forward.

This is not the route that one woman decided to go down when talking to her sister. When the teenager started complaining that she would be more popular and have more romantic interest if she was prettier, she retaliated by insisting that she could have those things if she put more effort into her appearance. This caused offense, and Redditors weren't sure whether the situation had been handled the right way. Being that age can be a sensitive time for self-esteem, and it is vital to tread carefully with it.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10377881088
    via Joshua Rawson-Harris

    Photo does not feature the real subject in the story

  • 02
    AITA for telling my sister she is the reason she isn't pretty?
    via Electronic_Web1887
  • 03
    The other day, 1(20F) was having a conversation with my little sister(17F), the conversation went towards discussing pretty privilege, and she went on a rant talking about how unfair it is, and if that she was prettier she would be popular and have a boyfriend.
    via Electronic_Web1887
  • 04
    Now this upset me, because my little sister is super lucky, she is naturally blonde, has a beautiful face, is very thin even though she eats a lot of junk food, and her and are huge. However, she's a complete slob. She dresses in very baggy clothing, doesn't wear makeup, her hair is a mess and she often smells bad because she doesn't shower much. She also has acne, I know that isn't her fault, but I used to have bad acne and I found out how to get rid of it, but when I suggest this to her, she j
    via Electronic_Web1887
  • 05
    I told her that the reason she isn't pretty is because she doesn't put any effort into her appearance. She got mad at me and stormed off. I know that nobody should be obligated to look nice, but it just upset me to hear her complain about her appearance, considering her circumstances. However, I'm starting to think what I said was a bit insensitive. AITA?
    via Electronic_Web1887
  • 06
    punfull 17h Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] NTA. Your phrasing could have been just a tad gentler but you really didn't do anything wrong here. But instead of "the reason you're not pretty" you could have said "the reason people don't realize you're pretty". See how the phrasing changes the tone of how it might be received?
    via punfull
  • 07
    saintandvillian 17h Part ssipant [4] NTA. OP I think you should have been harsher. Sometimes people don't realize how bad they've become about their hygiene and you need to be specific. I think she may have had a real wake up call if you told her she stinks, that she looks like a and laid out all the other things you think. If she has the guts to complain about not having a boyfriend but won't even take the time to clean herself then she's either oblivious or deeply depressed and she needs a wak
    via saintandvillain
  • 08
    pearlleg 15h Normally I'd agree but this is a 17 year old girl! A terrible age for lots of us as it pertains to self image/self loathing. I think the message isn't wrong but brutal honesty like that will probably just make her hate herself with little to no result.
    via pearlleg
  • 09
    jediping 9h Honestly that phrasing is why I vote YTA. Because OP said she wasn't pretty, even though she actually thinks her sister is pretty, just that she doesn't present herself well. Sis clearly thinks she's not pretty, and OP just confirmed that belief and also blamed her sister for not meeting society's expectation. (Assuming of course that she said more or less what she posted here, which of course we don't know, and I don't blame OP for that because I'm terrible at remembering exactly wh
    via jediping
  • 10
    Rainbow_riding_hood 17h Enthusiast [6] Im gonna go NTA just because not showering is actually horrible. Baggy clothes and no makeup is fine honestly, but the messy hair and smell is...yeah....She's mad now, but jesus, someone's gotta tell her to wash.
    via Rainbow_riding_hood
  • 11
    PercentageOk6120 17h I might be going against the grain here, but YTA. First of all, you sound jealous of her and it seems like you took this as an opportunity to put her down when she was already feeling down. Secondly, this is not the way to help your sister understand how to improve her hygiene. It is insensitive and doesn't help her improve. You simply shamed her. Lastly by your description of your sister and how she takes care of herself, I would be asking her what is wrong. Maybe she is th
    via PercentageOk6120
  • 12
    ww plentyofizzinthezee 17h Part ssipant [1] Your sister sounds like she has low self esteem and is depressed. Not dressing well is one thing, not showering is a whole other issue. Not taking care of her acne is another sign of feeling powerless. If this young person was fully grown you'd be NT A but honestly you sound like your adolescence was more supported than hers. I don't know about others but kids have a whole lot more than procrastinate to be T A, so ESH
    via plentyofizzinthezee
  • 13
    ripmyringfinger 17h YTA. You're her older sister. I can tell she's clearly depressed and have low self esteem. You've never told her "You look beauitful!” Or “having a relationship isn't the meaning of life.” So you know she's pretty but you didn't cheer her up or anything? Are you jealous of her? You never taught her how to wear make up or dress up?
    via ripmyringfinger
  • 14
    PaPe1983 16h I'm gonna say YTA on grounds that the correct reply to a complaint about privilege of any kind is not, "Well, you aren't trying hard enough to conform to the demands of privilege." Though I do agree with your rationale as such, your sister is correct in that the existence of pretty privilege is in fact unfair.
    via PaPe1983
  • 15
    Squarely_Round 17h YTA. Your her big sis, start acting like it.
    via Squarely_Round
  • 16
    faulty_rainbow 16h Partassipant [2] YTA she didn't say she wanted to be pretty, she was mad about the pretty privilege. The only thing you did with your comment is support that You as a woman should be very well aware of all the sexist discrimination women face. Or maybe you have no idea because you're still so young and / or take advantage of it. Word of advice: listen to what people are saying and if you don't understand what they mean, ask them to elaborate instead of assuming.
    via faulty_rainbow
  • 17
    savinathewhite 17h Aficionado [11] NTA. It's hard to discuss appearance without hurting someone's feelings very easily - especially when someone already feels unattractive - even when you don't mean to say anything upsetting. Phrasing can make a difference "you are already pretty, but it's hiding a little - maybe we can think of ways to help you shine more" sounds better than "if you're not pretty it's your own fault for being a slob" Also - she asked. Never ask questions you don't want honest a
    via savinathewhite
  • 18
    besssjay 16h Soft YTA. I get where you're coming from here, but maybe your sister's point is that she wishes she didn't have to wear make-up and fitted clothes to be seen as pretty and desirable. Maybe she wears baggy clothes because she's self conscious about her body. Your response here showed a lack of curiosity about what she was actually experiencing -- there are plenty of reasons to feel oppressed by pretty privilege even if you're thin and blonde.
    via besssjay
  • 19
    MarionBerryBelly 16h Colo-rectal Surgeon [43] YTA you sound jealous it's pretty gross. She is pretty already. She didn't need you destroying the little self esteem she did have.
    via MarionBerryBelly
  • 20
    Mentalcomposer 17h Certified Proctologist [27] NTA. But you could have expanded on it a bit. But it's not that she's not pretty, in your opinion she isn't presenting her best self. She needs to shower. That's a no brainer. Basic hygiene is a must for anyone. And maybe, not even style her hair, but make sure it doesn't look like a rats nest when she goes out. Comb it, put a ponytail, anything but the roll out of bed look works. Her clothes are fine if she's comfortable in them. There's nothing wo
    via Mentalcomposer

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aita teenager teenagers hygiene argument family sister personal hygiene reddit thread Reddit
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